I come from a middle class (+1), Caucasian (+1), suburban family (+1). My married (+1) heterosexual (+1) parents, raised four children (+1), two boys, two girls, two of us blonde haired and blue eyed with fair skin, and two of us with brown hair and brown eyes with perfect skin. We have two dogs, two cats, and we grew up in a gated subdivision, with a mini-van. From anyone’s standards, it is easy to see that I am from a “normative U.S. family.” Although my father never attended college (dock one point), he works as an engineer and insulates the missiles that we send off to war—needless to say he is the breadwinner (+1 for male breadwinner). My mother on the other hand worked as a restaurant manager at the same place for 15 years until she was laid off (-1), only to regain another low-paying manager positing. In regards to their pay, my mother makes much less than my father even lower than the present gender-pay gap of 20%. All of her superiors are males, and they make much more money. With my father making more money, he tends to have a bit more leverage in decisions; that is how society wants it to be. Regardless of the pay differences, it is clear that my family is in the positive values…who’s to say that my father does not have his job just because he is white? After all, the only black person that he works with is a janitor who frequently borrows money from everyone there. What does this say about social constructs? A lot!
Our society controls dating and romance even more. Think about the corporate holiday that Valentine’s Day has become. On any given day, a dozen roses can go for $12-20. On Valentine’s Day, they can range upwards of $50-100 or more! The sick thing is…people buy them! Commercials show women with happy faces receiving flowers and diamonds and men run out to buy them as if it is an original idea. The fact is, there are expectations that must be met, in order for most relationships to persevere. Vice-versa, women have to eat every chocolate out of the box, they have to give the man some cheesy card and teddy bear. Gender norms build relationships. Laner and Ventrone in their May 2000 article “Dating Scripts Revisited” state, “Dating etiquette is strongly gender stereotyped, showing the traditional dominant/subordinate relationship between the sexes” (490).
The sad truth is, gender norms are prevalent everywhere in our society; especially within our relationships and homes. For instance, my dad washes the cars, cleans the gutter, cuts the grass, and my mom does the dishes, laundry, cleaning in general (well…sometimes). My mother is notorious for flouting those traditions. J These chores are designated as either male/female activities. The public and private spheres are still highly gendered…they have simply adopted the yard portion of the home as public now. Similarly, if my mother is upset about something, she is much less likely to speak up about it than my father. Superiority/Inferiority and aggressiveness/passiveness are ingrained within our daily lives. To be quite honest, it is clear the toll that these characteristics play on their marriage.
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